Friday, September 20, 2013

Its SuperBeards

Hey NEW YORK Yankees....LOOK UP in the SKY...its a plane No ITs a Bird...NO ITS the 2013 AL EAST CHAMPS...the Red Sox

While everyone else has been feverishly watching the games all season via internet or tv...I've had to do spot checks seeing as I have been living as a gypsy and it's sorta sad I couldn't watch it all game by game. Yeah I got to attend some games here in Texas but no Fenway this year sadly :(  

But it started off with one beard...then more and more...we look like the Amish Mafia baseball team but we swing and run like any typical World Series team should.  I've been MIA due to just not feeling it but now...we won the EAST BABY...I'm rising up out of this depression and the Sox are going to lead us into Sweet Soxtober...all the way to the Ring.

Monday, February 11, 2013

Wednesday, January 16, 2013

See You Again

I can't really write about it right now.  My heart is breaking for her family, her kids, my son.  I'm gonna miss her so much.  In memory of Brittany, I wrote this:

We All Have Our Losses

We all have our losses.
We grieve for them
Cry for them
They haunt us like fog sits over the meadow
Hanging over our soul just out of reach
But close enough to smell and feel
searing into our hearts the wretched pain
leaving it’s smoking brand buried into the flesh.
A constant reminder of past lapses in judgment
embedded in our skin screaming to us to remember.
I’ve seen the waves of grief in eyes.  Smelled
the stench of agony in the air.  Felt the sting
and aches of pain in a heart.
Losses, we all have them yet
If on a different plane we take ourselves there
It can find you above it.
The clearness. The fog shifts.
The blurry visions we came to know as reality
Are now gone.  The damage was done.
But now.  Peering across gentle waves
the limpid air has a pure fragrance.
Then we see.  We know.
We haven’t lost them
but found ourselves

Thursday, December 27, 2012

Pushing Through

I used to love the holidays. Shopping for the just the right gift for those I loved...looking at lights and having holiday gatherings....I used to love the holidays... When tragedy and loss wasn't such a part of my life. As I grow older, tragedy and loss seems to have engulfed my life and soul so much that when I see the twinkling lights and sweet songs on the radio, I cringe and grit my teeth.  I was finally making my way through that muddled thought process this year with  being very anxious that I was finally in a position to do something for those less fortunate....when the plush flying rug under me was yanked and left me in a free-falling stage that I'm still reeling from.
I keep reaching out to the rotten air I smell to grab onto something stable that will hold me up...that will catch me and stop this rollercoasting mind and brain. But all I do is feel nothing. I see nothing. Nothing but grey mists and musty air. That is until the recent shooting occurred. 

I'm sitting waiting this morning on my dear two sweet sisters who are driving up to SA to help me finish pack up my things and put them into storage.  It's not a happy day to me...and it's just as dreary and grey outside as I am inside. But I'm going to try and just be this gypsy and see where it takes me down my road of adventure. I used to  be one of adventure and not caring about where I was headed....but after turning 50, I'd like alittle stability in my life and was hoping San Antonio was going to bring that.  BUT maybe this is going to force that gypsy hidden down inside to pop back up to show me life's true meaning....the unconditional love of friends and family.  I've had so many offer their homes to it's ironic that my first job interview was with a Homeless Shelter....I almost asked if the position included room and board since the salary was not going to be enough for me to rent my own place. 

I've not been here in a year....the death of my mother left me quite devastated and drained and hopeless....but today, I realize that I have nothing but time on my hands which I need to stir up my creative juices and writing again.  That is one thing that helped me though so much.  So I know I lost alot of my readers and hopefully they'll return. 

The thing is...home is wherever I am....and I am going to be wherever love is. 

Sunday, November 13, 2011

2010 & 2011 can Kiss My Grits

I took this picture with my dumb phone while at the beach with a high school group of friends this summer...a few days before finding out my Mom had cancer. It was a relaxing weekend and being at the beach I constantly thought of my Mom as it was something she loved.  The beach can be so calming listening to the waves roll in one after the other...the clean salt smell reminds me of learning how to float in the ocean with her.   I've saved the photo as the background on my phone and laptop and think of her words when we would seem sad about her disease..."We're going to take it One Day At a Time".  Lately, that's what I've been having to do.  So many other things going on in my private life that not everyone is aware of and I'd like to keep it that way for now but taking it one day at a time is all I can do.  I miss my Mama very much and dreading the upcoming holidays. For the last year (and that includes the end of 2010), it's been a wash. I usually try and can find the good things in bad....but this time, I just can't.  Yes, I'm alive. I have some people in my life who are supportive of me.  I enjoy helping the inmates I work with. I enjoy volunteering with GENAustin.  But for the record, I'd like to just go on to New Years Day 2012 so I can tell 2011 and this past year goodbye and good riddance. 

Tuesday, September 13, 2011

Lone Star State of Mine

Lone Star Beer
Lone Star Boys
Lone Star Baseball
Lone Star Beckett
Lone Star in Boston
I love my state. I love Boston. I love baseball.

I'm happy for Wake and his 200 but today....this made me smile more.

Monday, September 05, 2011

Not Just Any Woman

A woman passed on today but she won't be forgotten because she's not just any woman. Every time I hear a loud whistle, see a ocean wave, hear someone sing to the top of their lungs, see a purple outfit, eat a bowl of Bluebell, watch a baby laugh, and smell a good pot of gumbo I will think of her. Of course those aren't the only times...she blessed me with so much love and compassion for others that it's not a surprise what career I chose. And as much time and energy as she spent on trying to keep me in's funny to know she still did her last ditch effort at bringing me back. You see, I had left for Austin to return to work...only to receive a phone call on the other side of Houston that I needed to return as she had gotten much worse....few minutes later another phone call and she was here I am back in Orange, Mom. Missing you.