Going after your dreams is supposed to be good. They teach you about going after what you want out of life.....taking risks to reach it....what they don't tell you is going after your dreams can have negative aspects. Today I realized that.
Moving to Austin was part of going after my dreams and goals.....I had to leave behind my family in Orange. My granddaddy died when I was 16 yrs old during my senior year in high school. His brother, Vernon, sort of became that substitute for the grandfather figure in my life. My uncle Vernon passed away this Thursday almost unexpectedly. He had a heart attack recently but was doing fine. This man went to visit everyone all the time. He was driving around town up until he had the heart attack. This man was the kindest gentlest soul I've ever known. This man loved his family. He visited you when you were sick or in the hospital. He loved to drop by my parents home and have coffee. He will be missed...and that is an understatement.
I travel for my job and had this girls weekend planned for me and Soxonthebeach. I couldn't cancel this weekend. My mother phoned me Friday morning to let me know...that he had passed on Thursday. The funeral was this morning and I wasn't there. I wasn't there to cry. I wasn't there to hug his son's and tell them I was sorry. I wasn't there to put any flowers on his grave. I wasn't there because I'm here in Austin pursuing my dreams and making a new life for myself. I wasn't there because I'm here in Austin having a girls weekend with SotB and having fun. I wasn't there because I'm here in Austin.
One more death in my family that I wasn't there for....my feelings are mixed. I got to see Uncle Vernon every time I went home for a visit as he would visit my parents on Saturday mornings for coffee. I will miss him.