Mama....I wish you were here to Listen to ME

I first heard about Listen To Your Mother Show while residing in Austin.  The focus of the show is about Mothering and Motherhood...but your personal true story.  I am known to be able to tell a good story...but this was on a stage. in front of lots of strangers.  Could I do that?  without panicking?  I've conducted training in front of a few hundred folks...so it's not that. It's bearing your soul and being open in front of strangers.  Most people think they know me.  They think that I'm just this goofy gal who is one big ongoing party Extrovert.  But what they don't know is there is alot of depth to me.  I'm sorta like that duck looking calm on top of the water while underneath the water paddling madly and furiously.

I watched some of the YouTube shows and knew that I wanted to audition but I just wasn't sure what my story would be. It would take me about 4 years later before I worked up the courage and determined my story to tell....but on May 9th, I'll be on stage with 8 others and the two producers of The Show, Jennifer P. Williams and Elaine Alguire who are amazing women!!

I will be remembering my own mother as the show is on Mother's Day weekend...I hope she's Listening to ME

What Do You Do With Pain?

Alot of folks think of how life was Before 9-11...how all of our lives changed drastically after that horrific day. It changed me so much that I still took a trip to NYC despite the obstacles. That is ANOTHER Blog Post....

But for the Ellis & Brack Family, our lives changed drastically after 1-19...Odd I just noticed that it is the reversed order of numbers. hmmmm coincidence I know  but after January 19th, 2002(the year AFTER 9-11), my little sister's son was killed in a snow-skiiing accident.  The pain of the loss never goes away but it's What Do You Do With The Pain????  For years, I've seen her and her husband, Dan, suffer. You saw it in their eyes. The girls, Lindsay and Haley, lost their brother...a missing piece of the family.  I recall the first Christmas without Dustin...they left Orange to celebrate with dear close friends in the Hill Country. I followed.  It's been 13 years since then....and each year, our family dreaded the holidays and January. It seemed like a cloud hanging over...But this past January a little package of JOY came spelled J.E.O.: Jack Easton O'Quinn.  Something Darla and Dan has needed and our family has needed.

But Today is Dustin's 25th Birthday...Darla posted the below picture on her Facebook page

What I see is Dustin's heart and all those he touched. Darla is in New Orleans this weekend celebrating Dustin's birthday. She went to a Toby Mac concert (this was one of Dustin's FAV Christian singers)...and this morning she announced she is starting a non-profit, Living For the Line, in honor of Dustin. The pain is still there but this is going to be an avenue that Darla can use to reach so many hurting people...something Dustin was so good at, even as a little kid of 11.  Pain, hurt, grief and anger are considered Negative in most lives....but all of those negative emotions and feelings can be channeled into something Positive....its OUR Choice. I didn't say it was Easy....but it is still OUR CHOICE.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY 25TH DUSTIN!!!!

So I challenge you out there when tragedy and maybe just smaller hurts and pain comes our way, What Will YOU do with The Pain???  

Listen To Your Mother Show - Beaumont

WELL....I've been watching and thinking about this show for a few years and wanting to audition so many times but I chickened out...yah ME chickened out.  This Year I auditioned on Saturday and if I get selected I'll be on the stage in Beaumont at Lamar University telling MY Story of Motherhood. Which one you ask??? Well, you'll have to wait and see if I get selected.  But when I heard about this show...I laughed because I had gotten this under the cap of a tea drink.....and it was at a time I probably should have listened to her.

  She's gone in body but not in spirit...Juanita is here with me.  I know I've left you all hanging waiting for my next post HAHAHAHA!!  But I promise that Donna Gail is BACK. She WILL Deliver....if your Mother is alive...Go Call  or SEE HER!!!!!   and Listen...cos she just might have something Very Important to Say.

Its SuperBeards

Hey NEW YORK Yankees....LOOK UP in the SKY...its a plane No ITs a Bird...NO ITS the 2013 AL EAST CHAMPS...the Red Sox

While everyone else has been feverishly watching the games all season via internet or tv...I've had to do spot checks seeing as I have been living as a gypsy and unemployed...so it's sorta sad I couldn't watch it all game by game. Yeah I got to attend some games here in Texas but no Fenway this year sadly :(  

**poster courtesy off of Boston Red Sox News and Updates Facebook page

But it started off with one beard...then more and more...we look like the Amish Mafia baseball team but we swing and run like any typical World Series team should.  I've been MIA due to just not feeling it but now...we won the EAST BABY...I'm rising up out of this depression and the Sox are going to lead us into Sweet Soxtober...all the way to the Ring.

Today is Brought to You by the Letters P & C

Nuff Said

See You Again

I can't really write about it right now.  My heart is breaking for her family, her kids, my son.  I'm gonna miss her so much.  In memory of Brittany, I wrote this:

We All Have Our Losses

We all have our losses.

We grieve for them

Cry for them

They haunt us like fog sits over the meadow

Hanging over our soul just out of reach

But close enough to smell and feel

searing into our hearts the wretched pain

leaving it’s smoking brand buried into the flesh.

A constant reminder of past lapses in judgment

embedded in our skin screaming to us to remember.

I’ve seen the waves of grief in eyes.  Smelled

the stench of agony in the air.  Felt the sting

and aches of pain in a heart.

Losses, we all have them yet

If on a different plane we take ourselves there

It can find you above it.

The clearness. The fog shifts.

The blurry visions we came to know as reality

Are now gone.  The damage was done.

But now.  Peering across gentle waves

the limpid air has a pure fragrance.

Then we see.  We know.

We haven’t lost them

but found ourselves

Pushing Through

I used to love the holidays. Shopping for the just the right gift for those I loved...looking at lights and having holiday gatherings....I used to love the holidays... When tragedy and loss wasn't such a part of my life. As I grow older, tragedy and loss seems to have engulfed my life and soul so much that when I see the twinkling lights and sweet songs on the radio, I cringe and grit my teeth.  I was finally making my way through that muddled thought process this year with  being very anxious that I was finally in a position to do something for those less fortunate....when the plush flying rug under me was yanked and left me in a free-falling stage that I'm still reeling from.
I keep reaching out to the rotten air I smell to grab onto something stable that will hold me up...that will catch me and stop this rollercoasting mind and brain. But all I do is feel nothing. I see nothing. Nothing but grey mists and musty air. That is until the recent shooting occurred. 

I'm sitting waiting this morning on my dear two sweet sisters who are driving up to SA to help me finish pack up my things and put them into storage.  It's not a happy day to me...and it's just as dreary and grey outside as I am inside. But I'm going to try and just be this gypsy and see where it takes me down my road of adventure. I used to  be one of adventure and not caring about where I was headed....but after turning 50, I'd like alittle stability in my life and was hoping San Antonio was going to bring that.  BUT maybe this is going to force that gypsy hidden down inside to pop back up to show me life's true meaning....the unconditional love of friends and family.  I've had so many offer their homes to me....so it's ironic that my first job interview was with a Homeless Shelter....I almost asked if the position included room and board since the salary was not going to be enough for me to rent my own place. 

I've not been here in a year....the death of my mother left me quite devastated and drained and hopeless....but today, I realize that I have nothing but time on my hands which I need to stir up my creative juices and writing again.  That is one thing that helped me though so much.  So I know I lost alot of my readers and hopefully they'll return. 

The thing is...home is wherever I am....and I am going to be wherever love is. 

2010 & 2011 can Kiss My Grits

I took this picture with my dumb phone while at the beach with a high school group of friends this summer...a few days before finding out my Mom had cancer. It was a relaxing weekend and being at the beach I constantly thought of my Mom as it was something she loved.  The beach can be so calming listening to the waves roll in one after the other...the clean salt smell reminds me of learning how to float in the ocean with her.   I've saved the photo as the background on my phone and laptop and think of her words when we would seem sad about her disease..."We're going to take it One Day At a Time".  Lately, that's what I've been having to do.  So many other things going on in my private life that not everyone is aware of and I'd like to keep it that way for now but taking it one day at a time is all I can do.  I miss my Mama very much and dreading the upcoming holidays. For the last year (and that includes the end of 2010), it's been a wash. I usually try and can find the good things in bad....but this time, I just can't.  Yes, I'm alive. I have some people in my life who are supportive of me.  I enjoy helping the inmates I work with. I enjoy volunteering with GENAustin.  But for the record, I'd like to just go on to New Years Day 2012 so I can tell 2011 and this past year goodbye and good riddance. 

Lone Star State of Mine

Lone Star Beer
Lone Star Boys
Lone Star Baseball
Lone Star Beckett
Lone Star in Boston
I love my state. I love Boston. I love baseball.

I'm happy for Wake and his 200 but today....this made me smile more.

Not Just Any Woman

A woman passed on today but she won't be forgotten because she's not just any woman. Every time I hear a loud whistle, see a ocean wave, hear someone sing to the top of their lungs, see a purple outfit, eat a bowl of Bluebell, watch a baby laugh, and smell a good pot of gumbo I will think of her. Of course those aren't the only times...she blessed me with so much love and compassion for others that it's not a surprise what career I chose. And as much time and energy as she spent on trying to keep me in Orange...it's funny to know she still did her last ditch effort at bringing me back. You see, I had left for Austin to return to work...only to receive a phone call on the other side of Houston that I needed to return as she had gotten much worse....few minutes later another phone call and she was gone....so here I am back in Orange, Mom. Missing you.

Love in Action

My dear sweet mother is dying right before our eyes.  Since getting the news, it's been a roller coaster of emotions.  You go through denial and anger then denial again then anger once again then frustration...but with her health going downhill rapidly this past week while I was in Austin, I wasn't able to talk more to her.  In a matter of weeks, she's declined in her health but since last Sunday...no words can describe how hard this is to see.  A woman who loves so hard with her heart to be stricken with something so heartless.  I'm trying to make sense of this all as it was not caught in the early stages so we're losing her quickly and I'm not quite ready for her to go.  She has taught me more about loving than anyone I know.  Her heart is as big as Texas...maybe even bigger.  Alot of people talk about being a Christian and living godly but I've always said "Actions speak louder than words"  as well as "Talk is cheap".   My mother didn't have to preach it....she acted on it.  She taught me to reach out and help others, to give everyone the benefit of doubt, and that everyone deserved a second or third or fourth chance.  I believe I chose my career path because of the values that my mother instilled in me.  I know she's proud of me....she told me many times especially this past year.  Before I left for Austin last Sunday as I was telling her goodbye, she reached out for my hand and said "I want to pray for you"  My mom prayed for things to go well on my new job and that it would be good for me.  I'm going to miss her

Moving ON UP....on the East Side

***all pictures taken off of Boston Globe used without permission***

On Monday, we were in Last Place.  Today we're in 3rd....the boys are on a west coast swang thang and hitting it hard.  We've won 8 out of the last 9 games.....DiceK has went all GodZILLA on the teams and Jed Sox is leading us to freedom.  Muy Grande Winner Joshua Patrick is back...Joshy is gone.  Lester's getting closer to May and feeling good.  Heck even Carl's starting to hit.  Today Lackey is on the mound....facing whoever that team in Anaheim is.  Happy Easter to my fellow friends who Believe.  And Happy Sunday to those who don't.  Either way...I love all of you the same.  Now

Let's Play BALL                                                              AND WIN

***EDIT   Lackey stood strong today....SHUT OUT on the Angels 

Objects in the Mirror are Closer than they Appear

Dear American League East,

Tell 'em we're coming.....and Hell's coming with us. 


Sincerely,

Jed Lowrie and his Homies

We have an old saying in Delta House: Don't get Mad, Get Even

Last Year at SXSW, I attended this film....it's a movie about fraternity hazing gone wrong.  I know you're thinking Oh GREAT....some dorky Animal House wannabe but it is FAR from Animal House and I'd suggest if you get the chance to ever see it, DO.  But this poster for the film just really speaks to me about our boys...hazing is all about seeing how bad boys want into a fraternity....to what lengths will they go??  So maybe this whole losing streak is a hazing of sorts....to test them.....to test us....just how BAD do the Sox want it?  Do they want to win?  Do they WANT a pennant? or another World Series?   On paper they appear to the The Team to beat....but on the field they've been The team that GETS beat...senseless sometimes.  Yeah I know we took the Yankee series but there are about 5 more of those I think and if we continue like this, I'm not sure we'll take the rest of them.  We are 2-9.  TWO WON and NINE LOST!!!

But I'm going to remain faithful and keep watching and rooting for them. WHY?? Because they are MY Team.  They are YOUR Team.  The Red Sox are Boston's TEAM and we should be Behind them rooting for them.  You want to yell at someone???  Yell at your neighbors when they're slamming doors or playing their music too loud.  Yell at the idiots who cut you off or the cashier who shorts you your change.  Yell at Mother Nature for not bringing Spring early.  Yell at the dang jurors who didn't find Bonds guilty of ALL charges.  But do NOT YELL at the Red Sox or Boo Them.....Just ask them....HOW BAD DO YOU WANT IT? 

Someone PLEASE Light The Fire

It all begins with a strike of a match .....it's a simple act.  Very deliberate. With Purpose and all the elements just follow the lead. One after the other ignites. Each feeding off of the one before.  Fiery and blazing. Burning with desire and anything that gets in it's way is annihilated. 



Lighting the fire seems easy......keeping the flames going is tougher.  If you're good at stoking the fire you ends up walking away from the embers you left behind.







Now if we can just get the Red Sox on board with this Philosophy and Way of Thinking

From The Executer to Can we Execute Him?

Beckett set us up.  He drew us in with that fabulous magnificant performance Sunday night....just so we could be sucked down the proverbial drain with Dice-K.  All the talk about if anyone would be booing or cheering for Johnny as he returned to Fenway with the Rays....but when in reality the Boos would be reserved for the implosion coming from the pitchers mound when the Sox took it. Johnny started it off with a Dinger into the bullpen in the 1st inning....and if that wasn't enough by the end of the 2nd inning the Sox were trailing 7-0 with the help of some Elmer Fuld (Sam Fuld to be exact) rookie playing for his first MLB game.  Thank GOD Tito didn't wait around past the 3rd and brought in Wake. (never thought I'd say that).  Tomorrow is Lester and I'm just praying Lester thinks its May or June or September...and the bats from Friday or Sunday show up cos quite frankly I NEED a Winning team in my life right now. 

Execution Texas-Style

There are many faces of Beckett.  There's the tall Texan cowboy who loves to hunt deer and does a pretty good job of it.  There's the boy who loves his loyal new puppy.

Then there's the man who loves a good party and hanging out with his friends.  Maybe even listening to some tunes of a country singer.

But when we think of Beckett, typically this is the one we like to think of  (I think they're missing one of the K's) and tonight we had a time machine moment where Vintage '07 Beckett stepped out onto the mound and gave us a performance that rattled ole George's bones.  The Opening Day Win was awesome and very much appreciated by the fans.....but tonight's Win.  Tonight's Win was Magic. It was like Beckett took on this western persona of good versus evil...strapping on his gun for hire and lacing it down his thigh tightly while fingering the trigger waiting for a reason to finish off anyone who got in his way.  Joshua Patrick came to town looking to end this silly rumor that the Sox weren't in it to play.  That the team on paper was just an illusion. a fantasy.  We've been looking for a hero in one of the pitchers to step up and show us how it's done.  Make the Yankees shut up and go home.  8 innings. Shut-out. 10 K's later.  All we needed was Wild Thing to come in and mop up  the floor. 

Yoga for Sox Fans

I Get By with alittle Help from My Friends

This picture I took of Pitching Match Up in Arlington a few years back makes me tear up alittle bit. 

I went with a friend of mine to Opening Day in 2006 but didn't know many Sox fans at that time here in Texas.....this year will be different.

This Friday, April 1st, I will be attending Opening Day in Arlington again.  Only this time, I'll be with my friend Hayes who I met on the SG site as well as meeting up with a ton of Sox friends I've come to know and love!   Now early on, Hayes and I debated about getting some decent tickets for Opening Day...then ended up able to snag SRO ones for face value of $20 a piece SO we figured why spend more money....just enjoy being there so we were set.  We got tickets with our RSN-Texas group of over 100 folks in one area for Saturday game.  Fast forward Today...I get phone call from Sheila Matthews of the RSN-Houston group.  Sheila's husband is the RSN-Texas Governor.  It seems that Jared needs 2 tickets for Opening Day....and he was not wanting to spend alot of money and Sheila and Johnny had 2 spare bleacher tickets which they decided to GIVE me....and I'd sell the tickets to Jared.  SWEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEET!!!  Quite frankly I was beginning to worry about not being able to sit down at all during the  game as I'm still having some trouble with my neck and back so I was VERY excited about this.  Plus the fact I'm still unemployed so I'm low on cash...I'm minus low on cash :) 

And with everything going on in my life right now....I NEED a fun weekend to forget about everything, just fun and laugh with friends and enjoy baseball.  Now all I need is the Red Sox to cooperate and WIN These Games!!!!

Soon....very Soon

Although this is from Game 5 of the 2010 World Series....I will be seeing this scene very soon on Opening Day (without the sunset) for the Sox vs Rangers series April 1st with my good SG friend Hayes!!   I'm SO needing this little vacation and thanks to free hotel points and cheap tickets, we're going as cheaply as can a girl can go!! 

Of course, we will be excited to see the boys again....the sea of Sox caps and shirts...and just seeing wood connecting with leather.  I have lots of friends down in Florida watching batting practice or what is better known as Spring Training.  It's become a full all out tourist vacation for baseball teams whereas it used to be so low key.   I'll be joining my RSN group here in Texas at the games thanks to our state's Governor, Johnny Matthews who is as far as I'm concerned is an Adopted Texan.  His wife, Sheila, is DA BOMB!!! 

CANNOT. WAIT.