Secrets

For so many years, I kept a secret. It wasn't one that you couldn't find out if you were the nosy type or gossipy type...you just needed to pay attention to the news and know my prior married name and my son's name. My son was the most loving child I could ask for but as he grew up and battled with his learning disability, his father who wasn't around alot due to an evil step-mother(see Cinderella story) and my inability to select the right men for relationships...he begin a journey down a path that led him to a few stints in prison, including his current one. Not to say that he didn't try to get his life in order a few times.  He DID...but the call of drugs were too loud. When I wrote my story for Listen To Your Mother and named my story "How to Raise a Criminal", it wasn't a story of actually HOW to raise a criminal but a story of how kids go wayward DESPITE raising them right.  Plus all the praying and raising you do for them can sometimes fall on deaf ears.  That was my intent so I'm hoping that folks will HEAR that when they hear my story later this summer.  I wrote a recap of my experience on Listen To Your Mother Show which you can read here which Jennifer accurately titled it "Set Free"

Telling your secrets when you are ready and comfortable can be the most liberating feeling...but you just have to be prepared for everyone's reactions...they may be good...they may be bad. I've been pleasantly surprised by comments of those who had NO clue of my secret and lovingly supported by those who have always supported me in hiding my secret. 

I know that I'm not alone now and I hope to inspire other mothers who live with the inner struggle of worrying about their child who has been wayward over and over. 

I look forward to posting my video later this summer so that you can HEAR my story. Until then...Believe, Never Settle and Know that You ARE stronger than YOU THINK.

I am...OSB

I am ready to live my passion.
I wonder if I have enough money to retire on to start my own business.
I hear my neighbors loud footsteps consistently every day all day.
I see my red sox blanket while watching tv while facebooking and writing this and my medicine.
I want a beach vacation SOON.
I am going to get my @$$ in gear and start the non profit to help young women.

I pretend that I am 25 years younger sometimes.
I feel I am just now realizing my destiny and purpose.
I touch my bedding close to me cos it's very soft
I worry that I won't ever get married again and grow old alone.
I cry sometimes at the craziest things and then not.
I am happy with my life but desire more of fun time with those I love.

I understand life is what you make of it...change happens but we control how we react to change.
I say curse words alot when I shouldn't
I dream some but wish that I'd dream about my mother so it'd be like she was still here.
I try to be kind to everyone I meet because you don't know what their world is like.
I hope that others do the same but I'm not naive to think they do.
I am so happy that I have a writing world again.

These are my answers to this month’s Old School Blogging prompts. OSB is a monthly link up hosted by Elaine and a monthly co-host. This month Angela is joining her. Visit Elaine’s blog for more information.

In Memory of Mother's Passed

I love words. The Written Word.  I've not always been really good at just saying what I mean so I write. And when I failed at that, I loved getting cards, the right card for birthdays, mothers day and fathers day, etc to say exactly how I felt.  After my mom passed last year, I went through her dresser drawers looking for pics and such...and came across so many cards from her children and grandchildren that she had saved...I recalled getting this one card that had a bookmark attached with it...and I found it!  I brought all the cards I'd given her home with me...that was a treasure in itself. My mom loved being a mom and grandmom. Even to her death she was praying I'd meet my soulmate before she died...but she told me shortly before she passed that she was proud of me and what I'd done with my life. I promised her on her deathbed that I would find 'the one' but she'd have to go looking ahead for me.  I wasn't going to settle for anyone who didn't accept me the way my mom did.

The following phrase comes off of the bookmark that was attached to the card I gave her...I know alot of my friends have lost their moms and so this goes out to ya too... and Mom(I know you're listening and watching), I love you

Mother, thank you for believing in me when I didn't believe in myself...
Thank you for encouraging the dreamer in me and for loving me through each and every fad and phase, and for accepting my ideas when they were different from your own...
Thank you for having faith during the times when I had to do it on my own, and for being there when things didn't work out exactly how I thought they would.

Thank you for all that you are - my wonderful, wise, and loving mother.
Added Mothers Day 2014. As I sit here in my new place on Mother's Day....I miss her even more. I'm reminded each day in some small way about how she is with me...but the funniest ironic thing of all is all these years my Mom wanted me back in church...and prayed for me a job to be happy in...Well Mama...you got it...I work in a building that used to be a Church...now it's a historical landmark and the sanctuary will be forever like a church. Three doors to my office and two of them lead to the sanctuary...and of course MY OFFICE??? it's the Pastor's Office. So she's still smiling and laughing...as she got me back home and in church. I love you and miss you Mom.