How To Raise A Criminal: A Mother's Story

For those of who you were  there and those who read my post about what I read as my story...here is finally the Show for you to watch. I hope that this reaches other mothers having difficulty raising their children. Know that you Mother a child but ultimately  THE CHILD has a mind of their own and will act or act out.  Doing the show was scary but posting it out here is REALLY scary because people can be mean and cruel and judgemental. Thank you all for your friendship and support through all of this

The unexpected

I remember posing for this picture like it was yesterday....and THEN someone hit the blind and it came falling down on us....THE BEST pic of all that day!  July is a month I sorta now dread...it's my mother's birthday and I loved searching for my mother birthday cards...I had a knack for finding Just the Right One for the right time. Three years ago...it DOES NOT seem like that long...my mother was diagnosed with colon cancer the week of her birthday. 7 weeks later...she was gone. I didn't realize how much I would miss her. Miss her early morning waking me up phone calls. Her constant nagging of when was I gonna find me a good man. Her calling on my birthday and singing to me. Her slipping me a twenty dollar bill or two when I'd come home on visits. Her just giving me hugs and praying for me.  Mom, I hope you are up there still proud of me...looking out for me and my job.

My mother got her one wish finally...ALL of her children are here in Orange and I have to say that I thought HELL would freeze over before that would ever happen. 

July 24th is my mother's birthday...it's also the day ARod ate a baseball glove that Tek gave him. I remember this date because it is her birthday so it makes me smile.  I'll be spending the week before my mom's birthday watching the Sox play the Stros...then head to New Orleans...maybe Ill need to take the long way and ride the ferry and stop by the ocean on the 24th....to say Hi Mama!!!! 
I love and miss you
Donna Gail

Secrets

For so many years, I kept a secret. It wasn't one that you couldn't find out if you were the nosy type or gossipy type...you just needed to pay attention to the news and know my prior married name and my son's name. My son was the most loving child I could ask for but as he grew up and battled with his learning disability, his father who wasn't around alot due to an evil step-mother(see Cinderella story) and my inability to select the right men for relationships...he begin a journey down a path that led him to a few stints in prison, including his current one. Not to say that he didn't try to get his life in order a few times.  He DID...but the call of drugs were too loud. When I wrote my story for Listen To Your Mother and named my story "How to Raise a Criminal", it wasn't a story of actually HOW to raise a criminal but a story of how kids go wayward DESPITE raising them right.  Plus all the praying and raising you do for them can sometimes fall on deaf ears.  That was my intent so I'm hoping that folks will HEAR that when they hear my story later this summer.  I wrote a recap of my experience on Listen To Your Mother Show which you can read here which Jennifer accurately titled it "Set Free"

Telling your secrets when you are ready and comfortable can be the most liberating feeling...but you just have to be prepared for everyone's reactions...they may be good...they may be bad. I've been pleasantly surprised by comments of those who had NO clue of my secret and lovingly supported by those who have always supported me in hiding my secret. 

I know that I'm not alone now and I hope to inspire other mothers who live with the inner struggle of worrying about their child who has been wayward over and over. 

I look forward to posting my video later this summer so that you can HEAR my story. Until then...Believe, Never Settle and Know that You ARE stronger than YOU THINK.

I am...OSB

I am ready to live my passion.
I wonder if I have enough money to retire on to start my own business.
I hear my neighbors loud footsteps consistently every day all day.
I see my red sox blanket while watching tv while facebooking and writing this and my medicine.
I want a beach vacation SOON.
I am going to get my @$$ in gear and start the non profit to help young women.

I pretend that I am 25 years younger sometimes.
I feel I am just now realizing my destiny and purpose.
I touch my bedding close to me cos it's very soft
I worry that I won't ever get married again and grow old alone.
I cry sometimes at the craziest things and then not.
I am happy with my life but desire more of fun time with those I love.

I understand life is what you make of it...change happens but we control how we react to change.
I say curse words alot when I shouldn't
I dream some but wish that I'd dream about my mother so it'd be like she was still here.
I try to be kind to everyone I meet because you don't know what their world is like.
I hope that others do the same but I'm not naive to think they do.
I am so happy that I have a writing world again.

These are my answers to this month’s Old School Blogging prompts. OSB is a monthly link up hosted by Elaine and a monthly co-host. This month Angela is joining her. Visit Elaine’s blog for more information.

In Memory of Mother's Passed

I love words. The Written Word.  I've not always been really good at just saying what I mean so I write. And when I failed at that, I loved getting cards, the right card for birthdays, mothers day and fathers day, etc to say exactly how I felt.  After my mom passed last year, I went through her dresser drawers looking for pics and such...and came across so many cards from her children and grandchildren that she had saved...I recalled getting this one card that had a bookmark attached with it...and I found it!  I brought all the cards I'd given her home with me...that was a treasure in itself. My mom loved being a mom and grandmom. Even to her death she was praying I'd meet my soulmate before she died...but she told me shortly before she passed that she was proud of me and what I'd done with my life. I promised her on her deathbed that I would find 'the one' but she'd have to go looking ahead for me.  I wasn't going to settle for anyone who didn't accept me the way my mom did.

The following phrase comes off of the bookmark that was attached to the card I gave her...I know alot of my friends have lost their moms and so this goes out to ya too... and Mom(I know you're listening and watching), I love you

Mother, thank you for believing in me when I didn't believe in myself...
Thank you for encouraging the dreamer in me and for loving me through each and every fad and phase, and for accepting my ideas when they were different from your own...
Thank you for having faith during the times when I had to do it on my own, and for being there when things didn't work out exactly how I thought they would.

Thank you for all that you are - my wonderful, wise, and loving mother.
Added Mothers Day 2014. As I sit here in my new place on Mother's Day....I miss her even more. I'm reminded each day in some small way about how she is with me...but the funniest ironic thing of all is all these years my Mom wanted me back in church...and prayed for me a job to be happy in...Well Mama...you got it...I work in a building that used to be a Church...now it's a historical landmark and the sanctuary will be forever like a church. Three doors to my office and two of them lead to the sanctuary...and of course MY OFFICE??? it's the Pastor's Office. So she's still smiling and laughing...as she got me back home and in church. I love you and miss you Mom.

Grand Salami OVER Philly Steak

 VS

Opening Day Game Red Sox vs Phillies...5 Homeruns....Dustin starts us with a Laser Show...Mookie and Hanley each gives us one...even tho we are already winning with Buch's stellar pitching....Hanley thought he'd just wind it up with a few steaks to add to his belt on their 1st game back....Grand Salami over Philly Steak Sandwich ANY DAY!!! 

1 game down....161 to go

Mama....I wish you were here to Listen to ME

I first heard about Listen To Your Mother Show while residing in Austin.  The focus of the show is about Mothering and Motherhood...but your personal true story.  I am known to be able to tell a good story...but this was on a stage. in front of lots of strangers.  Could I do that?  without panicking?  I've conducted training in front of a few hundred folks...so it's not that. It's bearing your soul and being open in front of strangers.  Most people think they know me.  They think that I'm just this goofy gal who is one big ongoing party Extrovert.  But what they don't know is there is alot of depth to me.  I'm sorta like that duck looking calm on top of the water while underneath the water paddling madly and furiously.

I watched some of the YouTube shows and knew that I wanted to audition but I just wasn't sure what my story would be. It would take me about 4 years later before I worked up the courage and determined my story to tell....but on May 9th, I'll be on stage with 8 others and the two producers of The Show, Jennifer P. Williams and Elaine Alguire who are amazing women!!

I will be remembering my own mother as the show is on Mother's Day weekend...I hope she's Listening to ME

What Do You Do With Pain?

Alot of folks think of how life was Before 9-11...how all of our lives changed drastically after that horrific day. It changed me so much that I still took a trip to NYC despite the obstacles. That is ANOTHER Blog Post....

But for the Ellis & Brack Family, our lives changed drastically after 1-19...Odd I just noticed that it is the reversed order of numbers. hmmmm coincidence I know  but after January 19th, 2002(the year AFTER 9-11), my little sister's son was killed in a snow-skiiing accident.  The pain of the loss never goes away but it's What Do You Do With The Pain????  For years, I've seen her and her husband, Dan, suffer. You saw it in their eyes. The girls, Lindsay and Haley, lost their brother...a missing piece of the family.  I recall the first Christmas without Dustin...they left Orange to celebrate with dear close friends in the Hill Country. I followed.  It's been 13 years since then....and each year, our family dreaded the holidays and January. It seemed like a cloud hanging over...But this past January a little package of JOY came spelled J.E.O.: Jack Easton O'Quinn.  Something Darla and Dan has needed and our family has needed.

But Today is Dustin's 25th Birthday...Darla posted the below picture on her Facebook page

What I see is Dustin's heart and all those he touched. Darla is in New Orleans this weekend celebrating Dustin's birthday. She went to a Toby Mac concert (this was one of Dustin's FAV Christian singers)...and this morning she announced she is starting a non-profit, Living For the Line, in honor of Dustin. The pain is still there but this is going to be an avenue that Darla can use to reach so many hurting people...something Dustin was so good at, even as a little kid of 11.  Pain, hurt, grief and anger are considered Negative in most lives....but all of those negative emotions and feelings can be channeled into something Positive....its OUR Choice. I didn't say it was Easy....but it is still OUR CHOICE.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY 25TH DUSTIN!!!!

So I challenge you out there when tragedy and maybe just smaller hurts and pain comes our way, What Will YOU do with The Pain???  

Listen To Your Mother Show - Beaumont

WELL....I've been watching and thinking about this show for a few years and wanting to audition so many times but I chickened out...yah ME chickened out.  This Year I auditioned on Saturday and if I get selected I'll be on the stage in Beaumont at Lamar University telling MY Story of Motherhood. Which one you ask??? Well, you'll have to wait and see if I get selected.  But when I heard about this show...I laughed because I had gotten this under the cap of a tea drink.....and it was at a time I probably should have listened to her.

  She's gone in body but not in spirit...Juanita is here with me.  I know I've left you all hanging waiting for my next post HAHAHAHA!!  But I promise that Donna Gail is BACK. She WILL Deliver....if your Mother is alive...Go Call  or SEE HER!!!!!   and Listen...cos she just might have something Very Important to Say.

Its SuperBeards

Hey NEW YORK Yankees....LOOK UP in the SKY...its a plane No ITs a Bird...NO ITS the 2013 AL EAST CHAMPS...the Red Sox

While everyone else has been feverishly watching the games all season via internet or tv...I've had to do spot checks seeing as I have been living as a gypsy and unemployed...so it's sorta sad I couldn't watch it all game by game. Yeah I got to attend some games here in Texas but no Fenway this year sadly :(  

**poster courtesy off of Boston Red Sox News and Updates Facebook page

But it started off with one beard...then more and more...we look like the Amish Mafia baseball team but we swing and run like any typical World Series team should.  I've been MIA due to just not feeling it but now...we won the EAST BABY...I'm rising up out of this depression and the Sox are going to lead us into Sweet Soxtober...all the way to the Ring.

Today is Brought to You by the Letters P & C

Nuff Said

See You Again

I can't really write about it right now.  My heart is breaking for her family, her kids, my son.  I'm gonna miss her so much.  In memory of Brittany, I wrote this:

We All Have Our Losses

We all have our losses.

We grieve for them

Cry for them

They haunt us like fog sits over the meadow

Hanging over our soul just out of reach

But close enough to smell and feel

searing into our hearts the wretched pain

leaving it’s smoking brand buried into the flesh.

A constant reminder of past lapses in judgment

embedded in our skin screaming to us to remember.

I’ve seen the waves of grief in eyes.  Smelled

the stench of agony in the air.  Felt the sting

and aches of pain in a heart.

Losses, we all have them yet

If on a different plane we take ourselves there

It can find you above it.

The clearness. The fog shifts.

The blurry visions we came to know as reality

Are now gone.  The damage was done.

But now.  Peering across gentle waves

the limpid air has a pure fragrance.

Then we see.  We know.

We haven’t lost them

but found ourselves

Pushing Through

I used to love the holidays. Shopping for the just the right gift for those I loved...looking at lights and having holiday gatherings....I used to love the holidays... When tragedy and loss wasn't such a part of my life. As I grow older, tragedy and loss seems to have engulfed my life and soul so much that when I see the twinkling lights and sweet songs on the radio, I cringe and grit my teeth.  I was finally making my way through that muddled thought process this year with  being very anxious that I was finally in a position to do something for those less fortunate....when the plush flying rug under me was yanked and left me in a free-falling stage that I'm still reeling from.
I keep reaching out to the rotten air I smell to grab onto something stable that will hold me up...that will catch me and stop this rollercoasting mind and brain. But all I do is feel nothing. I see nothing. Nothing but grey mists and musty air. That is until the recent shooting occurred. 

I'm sitting waiting this morning on my dear two sweet sisters who are driving up to SA to help me finish pack up my things and put them into storage.  It's not a happy day to me...and it's just as dreary and grey outside as I am inside. But I'm going to try and just be this gypsy and see where it takes me down my road of adventure. I used to  be one of adventure and not caring about where I was headed....but after turning 50, I'd like alittle stability in my life and was hoping San Antonio was going to bring that.  BUT maybe this is going to force that gypsy hidden down inside to pop back up to show me life's true meaning....the unconditional love of friends and family.  I've had so many offer their homes to me....so it's ironic that my first job interview was with a Homeless Shelter....I almost asked if the position included room and board since the salary was not going to be enough for me to rent my own place. 

I've not been here in a year....the death of my mother left me quite devastated and drained and hopeless....but today, I realize that I have nothing but time on my hands which I need to stir up my creative juices and writing again.  That is one thing that helped me though so much.  So I know I lost alot of my readers and hopefully they'll return. 

The thing is...home is wherever I am....and I am going to be wherever love is. 

2010 & 2011 can Kiss My Grits

I took this picture with my dumb phone while at the beach with a high school group of friends this summer...a few days before finding out my Mom had cancer. It was a relaxing weekend and being at the beach I constantly thought of my Mom as it was something she loved.  The beach can be so calming listening to the waves roll in one after the other...the clean salt smell reminds me of learning how to float in the ocean with her.   I've saved the photo as the background on my phone and laptop and think of her words when we would seem sad about her disease..."We're going to take it One Day At a Time".  Lately, that's what I've been having to do.  So many other things going on in my private life that not everyone is aware of and I'd like to keep it that way for now but taking it one day at a time is all I can do.  I miss my Mama very much and dreading the upcoming holidays. For the last year (and that includes the end of 2010), it's been a wash. I usually try and can find the good things in bad....but this time, I just can't.  Yes, I'm alive. I have some people in my life who are supportive of me.  I enjoy helping the inmates I work with. I enjoy volunteering with GENAustin.  But for the record, I'd like to just go on to New Years Day 2012 so I can tell 2011 and this past year goodbye and good riddance. 

Lone Star State of Mine

Lone Star Beer
Lone Star Boys
Lone Star Baseball
Lone Star Beckett
Lone Star in Boston
I love my state. I love Boston. I love baseball.

I'm happy for Wake and his 200 but today....this made me smile more.

Not Just Any Woman

A woman passed on today but she won't be forgotten because she's not just any woman. Every time I hear a loud whistle, see a ocean wave, hear someone sing to the top of their lungs, see a purple outfit, eat a bowl of Bluebell, watch a baby laugh, and smell a good pot of gumbo I will think of her. Of course those aren't the only times...she blessed me with so much love and compassion for others that it's not a surprise what career I chose. And as much time and energy as she spent on trying to keep me in Orange...it's funny to know she still did her last ditch effort at bringing me back. You see, I had left for Austin to return to work...only to receive a phone call on the other side of Houston that I needed to return as she had gotten much worse....few minutes later another phone call and she was gone....so here I am back in Orange, Mom. Missing you.

Love in Action

My dear sweet mother is dying right before our eyes.  Since getting the news, it's been a roller coaster of emotions.  You go through denial and anger then denial again then anger once again then frustration...but with her health going downhill rapidly this past week while I was in Austin, I wasn't able to talk more to her.  In a matter of weeks, she's declined in her health but since last Sunday...no words can describe how hard this is to see.  A woman who loves so hard with her heart to be stricken with something so heartless.  I'm trying to make sense of this all as it was not caught in the early stages so we're losing her quickly and I'm not quite ready for her to go.  She has taught me more about loving than anyone I know.  Her heart is as big as Texas...maybe even bigger.  Alot of people talk about being a Christian and living godly but I've always said "Actions speak louder than words"  as well as "Talk is cheap".   My mother didn't have to preach it....she acted on it.  She taught me to reach out and help others, to give everyone the benefit of doubt, and that everyone deserved a second or third or fourth chance.  I believe I chose my career path because of the values that my mother instilled in me.  I know she's proud of me....she told me many times especially this past year.  Before I left for Austin last Sunday as I was telling her goodbye, she reached out for my hand and said "I want to pray for you"  My mom prayed for things to go well on my new job and that it would be good for me.  I'm going to miss her

Moving ON UP....on the East Side

***all pictures taken off of Boston Globe used without permission***

On Monday, we were in Last Place.  Today we're in 3rd....the boys are on a west coast swang thang and hitting it hard.  We've won 8 out of the last 9 games.....DiceK has went all GodZILLA on the teams and Jed Sox is leading us to freedom.  Muy Grande Winner Joshua Patrick is back...Joshy is gone.  Lester's getting closer to May and feeling good.  Heck even Carl's starting to hit.  Today Lackey is on the mound....facing whoever that team in Anaheim is.  Happy Easter to my fellow friends who Believe.  And Happy Sunday to those who don't.  Either way...I love all of you the same.  Now

Let's Play BALL                                                              AND WIN

***EDIT   Lackey stood strong today....SHUT OUT on the Angels 

Objects in the Mirror are Closer than they Appear

Dear American League East,

Tell 'em we're coming.....and Hell's coming with us. 


Sincerely,

Jed Lowrie and his Homies

We have an old saying in Delta House: Don't get Mad, Get Even

Last Year at SXSW, I attended this film....it's a movie about fraternity hazing gone wrong.  I know you're thinking Oh GREAT....some dorky Animal House wannabe but it is FAR from Animal House and I'd suggest if you get the chance to ever see it, DO.  But this poster for the film just really speaks to me about our boys...hazing is all about seeing how bad boys want into a fraternity....to what lengths will they go??  So maybe this whole losing streak is a hazing of sorts....to test them.....to test us....just how BAD do the Sox want it?  Do they want to win?  Do they WANT a pennant? or another World Series?   On paper they appear to the The Team to beat....but on the field they've been The team that GETS beat...senseless sometimes.  Yeah I know we took the Yankee series but there are about 5 more of those I think and if we continue like this, I'm not sure we'll take the rest of them.  We are 2-9.  TWO WON and NINE LOST!!!

But I'm going to remain faithful and keep watching and rooting for them. WHY?? Because they are MY Team.  They are YOUR Team.  The Red Sox are Boston's TEAM and we should be Behind them rooting for them.  You want to yell at someone???  Yell at your neighbors when they're slamming doors or playing their music too loud.  Yell at the idiots who cut you off or the cashier who shorts you your change.  Yell at Mother Nature for not bringing Spring early.  Yell at the dang jurors who didn't find Bonds guilty of ALL charges.  But do NOT YELL at the Red Sox or Boo Them.....Just ask them....HOW BAD DO YOU WANT IT?